It seems to me that all my NEWS-related posts are the ones that get the most reactions from people (the Summer Time post, Taiyou no Namida post and RUSS-K post), so here's YET ANOTHER ONE!

In the latest issue of winkup, it seems NEWS has run into a group of very... "creative" stylists. And I use the terms CREATIVE and STYLISTS loosely, because as you will soon see, they really aren't doing their jobs all too well.

Let's start from the best looking, and work our way down to the worst.

[Masuda]


Well, the good thing is, he looks normal. The bad thing is, he looks really normal.

The hair color is pretty much Japanese-boy-band-stereotypical, and the flannel sleeveless top is kind of ok I suppose. I just don't understand the eagle brooch. I mean, since when did brooches and flannel go together?

Other than that, he looks fine. Normal, but fine. In like the normalest way possible.

[Shige]


The first time I saw this, I practically spasmed and died due to shock. SERIOUSLY? GOLDEN HAIR? With bleached eyebrows?! And what appears to be colored contacts?

This is like Taguchi Junnosuke in Yuukan club all over again. (Did I get the show name right?)

I'm typing this post a few days after I first saw these, and it seems the shock has settled and I'm beginning to be more accepting of this rather drastic change. Other than that, his clothes look fine and his arms look REALLY fine. Except the top reminds me of something Koda Kumi would wear, what with it being droopy and low cut and... whorish.

Thanks god he didn't revert to his long-haired days. I might have just died otherwise.

[Tegoshi]


Tegoshi has the advantage of looking really boyish and cute, so he would really be attractive in just about any outfit.

But not this one.

The picture that gave it all away was the middle one. See how the pants bulge out unnaturally? Is he keeping cabbages in there or something? And then there's the t-shirt that makes him look.... well, like a slut. See how that "stain" is strategically placed at his nipple (enlarge to get a better view.... the picture, not the nipple)? Coincidence? I think not.

The flowy white top thingy looks like the kind of bathrobe Japanese porn stars wear before the guy rips it off and rapes them.... Not that I watch any Japanese porn of course. *cough cough*

He could also stand to be a bit buffer, like Masuda. He's just skin and bones now. And he should stop the girlish poses and smiles. He might look cute now, but in a few years, he'll just be kind of creepy. Like Katori Shingo of SMAP.

[Koyama]


As I've mentioned before, I really don't like this guy. These pictures do nothing in making him more endearing to me.

The first picture reminds me of a chicken. Like a rooster being proud and fat and clueless right before it gets made into McNuggets. And then there's the gold chain which makes him looks way older than he already is. And "M"? What's "M" supposed to mean? Because right now, it seems to mean "MEH" to me.

And then the second picture. Doesn't that shirt look like Masuda's? It looks like some stylist has been lazy and went to shop all at once in the same store. Hmmm. And the flared jeans. Goodness, he's just screaming HIPPIE right now. He even has the rainbow colored bracelets! Now all he needs is flannel (damn, Masuda took it) and some odd glasses.

[Ryo]


Firstly, ARE THOSE TRIBAL-INSPIRED NECKLACES I SEE?! Oh, and of course we must finish it off with a cross. Who cares if they match or not! The accessories don't even believe in the same god (if that makes any sense)! And what is with the flannel, again! For some reason or another, his double eyelids are exceptionally obvious in the first picture... Hmm. Plastic surgery anyone?

And his hair. His curly, oily, unkempt hair. That isn't styling, that is dampening his image. Or dirtying his image. He looks old and his hairline looks like it's receding in the first picture. Bad bad bad.

Now the pants and boots might have looked great in another outfit, but with all the catastrophe up there? It just looks like an unfinished product. Yet another flowy top (urgh, what is with JE boys and curtains? MatsuJun wears a curtain in their latest PV, Kaze no Mukou E, too), and the flannel shirt has a a neckline... I mean opening which is so big, he might as well not be wearing anything.

Hmm. Now THAT's an idea. A good one I might add. Oh wait, he has already exposed too much of himself. Then again, he IS a JE boy...

[Yamapi]


Ah my goodness. He looks like all the others' flaws all combined into one compact nightmare.

The most obvious is the hair. WHO MADE YOUR PUBIC HAIR GROW ON YOUR HEAD?! And a flowy top? A tribal inspired t-shirt that is rainbow-colored? Gold necklace? And the FISHERMAN BOOTS?! And the bulge in pants.... oh wait, in this case it's actually kind of good, heh.

Seriously, he's a style train wreck. He's lucky he has the arms to carry off the sleeveless top, otherwise he'll just look like a poor sick poodle whose owner has a fetish for dressing up her dog in hippie clothing.

And as if it wasn't bad enough, they had to mock him by giving him a full extra page all to himself.



By the way, here's a random picture of Shige in the same issue.


Did I read that right? Beige Ranger? Santa? Oh apparently it means "center". Still doesn't make a ton of sense though. This guy has issues.

Labels: NEWS