Just in case you've been a bit slow, Nakai Masahiro was rumored to have been dating Koda Kumi just a while back. Something about Kuu buying vegetables and going to his house to stay for a pretty long while.

This naturally sparked off tons of debate about Avex's Queens matching Johnny's Kings and giving birth to incredibly powerfully-voiced babies (though obviously not possible in this case, what with Nakai's horrible voice). Fans were speculating and I was cringing at Kuu's lack of taste in men.

However, right after the 58th Kouhaku Utagassen, Nakai denies the rumors that he and Kuu are dating and cohabiting (or so I assume, "全然、何もないんです。お泊まり愛？　全然ないんです").

This is rather fascinating to me. Fans of either half of this romance would have known that this was a rumor that has been around since August 2007. Why would he deny it only after Kuu has been spotted going to his house with groceries?

Let's assume just for the sake of, that Nakai is telling the truth. Who was that grocery-girl that has been mistaken for Koda Kumi? Why has SHE kept so quiet for such a long time?

If I were a typical girl who had been mistaken for Koda Kumi, I would be pretty darn happy, and start telling all my friends about how dumb the media and everyone in Japan is for not knowing its me in the photo.

One of my very evil friends will then call the media, telling them my real identity, and I will then be constantly hounded by the paparazzi. After a few months, I will release a statement that we have broken up and then go on to release 3 multi-million-selling singles.

OR! I would be so touched that my dear Nakai-chan has protected my identity and denied the horrible rumor about him and Koda Kumi. I will then go on to tell all my friend about what a wonderful boyfriend he is.

THEN one of my very evil friends will then call the media, telling them my real identity, and I will then be constantly hounded by the paparazzi. After a few months, I will release a statement that we have started planning our marriage and then go on to release 5 multi-million-selling singles.

Either way, that girl buying groceries may not know it now, but she is going to be darn popular in a few months time.

But IF the grocery girl IS Koda Kumi, oh ho ho. Won't Nakai be in for some deep shit.

Koda Kumi will quarrel with him, and eventually break up with him. She will go on to write endless sad songs about her breakup, lose a lot of weight and wear heavy gothic eye make-up. In other words, she will begin her de-evolution into Mika Nakashima.

During the big fight that eventually led to their breakup, Koda Kumi jumped on Nakai, breaking multiple bones in his body. He will not be able to reconstruct any of them due to him being old and... old. He will go on to tell his life story to a close friend of his, who happens to be very evil and money-minded (*ahem* Kimutaku *Ahem*) and that close friend will go on to produce a movie about Nakai's life. The movie will be aptly titled The life of a Johnny's Uncle. A lot of fangirls will watch the movie, pity him and he will still rank in anan's yearly male ranking.

Kimu... I mean his friend will earn a lot of money and live happily ever after. Until Johnny Kitagawa decides to sue him for using Johnny's in his movie title. The issue will get so big that Johnny Depp will be forced to change his name as well.

Now who says Jpop is boring? xD

Labels: Koda Kumi, SMAP