Raid My Minibar: Don't get laid. Get Raid.

Want to sleep with Hamasaki Ayumi?
Friday, October 2, 2009

Well I don't but irregardless! Me being the helpful and kind and magnanimous and intelligent and whatever-else-good person that I am, I have compiled a list of 10 things you have to note before getting down and dirty with the queen.

(This post is possibly one of the most overdue PV posts ever, but since a question about this was lying around in my comments box, I decided to do it anyways. So the person who asked "Why no "ayu-bashing" lately? She's been releasing a lot of controversial videos! What I mainly wanted to ask you about was Sparkle. What do you think of the song and the film clip?", this is your answer!)

1. She likes SM.

Be prepared for a lot of rubber suits, masks and all sorts of kinky bondage.

2. She's not as good-looking as you think she is.

Because there are some positions which just makes EVERYONE look stupid. (I call this the 2g1c pose. Kudos if you understood this, you sick sick person. Ahem.)

3. Menses are sort of her fetish.

As evidenced in a previous PV, she loves them menses-themed things.

Lying in a huge pool of menses! WHAT COULD BE SEXIER?!

(And see those heels? They're used to step on you, where it really hurts. Yowza!)

4. She has a tendency to film her sexcapades.

As if filming this PV wasn't evidence enough already.


5. She loves to fuck you in the face.

What did you think those tubes were really for?

6. For your convenience, she designs her outfits to open up to all the right places!

Yup, the crotch-zip is truly one of the things that Ayumi does to show how thoughtful she really is as a partner. Just make sure you don't zip her bits up after you're done with her. Ouch.

7. She loves mind control.

So she can ask you to do what she wants, exactly the way she likes it. Mmm, after all, her requests can get quite rough. You know what I mean? *winks*

8. She loves to be on top.

No negotiation there, sorry. She doesn't like to see your face (hence the masks, get it?).

9. Eggplants are sexy as hell.

Uh huh, they are. *nods*

10. She's kinda crazy sometimes.

But I guess you already know that. If you still want to do her at this point, BE IN FOR A LOT OF KINKY STUFF YOU DIRTY PERVERTED... um, um... RUBBERSUIT-LOVING... uhhh PERVERT!

(Oh and happy birthday Ayumi!)

(I totally did not plan for this post to be on her birthday, it was all meant to be. Ah.)


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