Raid My Minibar: Don't get laid. Get Raid.


My pick!: Top 20 Jpop Songs of 2009 (Rank 11th to 20th)
Wednesday, December 2, 2009

In all honesty, I'm not completely pleased with this list. Firstly it's because I've not been paying as much attention as I'd like to Jpop as I did in previous years (which was really fanatic, in retrospect) and secondly it's because most of the stuff I DID hear ended up being really lame.

Hence I cut the list short, with only 20 songs this time around. But you already had 15 songs in the previous post to try out so that should more or less compensate for the lack of songs.

Number 20: Morning Musume - Nanchatte Renai



Sadly this is the only H!P song that made the list. Everything else this year was just plain boring to me. Probably best described as a power ballad, the vocals are decent and not sickeningly cutesy for once (with the exception of Koharu, epic nasal fail).

Number 19: NEWS - Koi no ABO



DISCO! What's not to love?

Number 18: Arashi - Tobira



How surprising, the main song of this single is not even in the top 20! The typical feel good Johnny's song where all the fans hold hands and wave while the Arashi boys go around the stadium on their silly floats. Good fun.

Number 17: NYC Boys - NYC



This one's for the pedophiles. But we all know we secretly want to bang them underaged boys. Slurp. Anyways, as with all the younger Johnny's groups' songs, it would be safe to assume full-on sugary pop. Steer clear, those who do not like the bubblegum.

Number 16: Hamasaki Ayumi - Rule



I think I've mentioned on my blog before (I can't seem to find the post) that if she had went on do full-on rock and not half-ass it like what she's doing now, I would still be liking her.

This song is a perfect example of how epic Ayumi can be when she wants to be. Full of power and drama and her queenliness, this song will get anyone's adrenaline running. So use this at the gym. Or when murdering someone, if that is your thing. In which case please do not read my blog anymore. I said please, don't kill me.

Number 15: Kanjani 8 - Kyu☆Jo☆Show!!



It's loud, sparkly and crazy. Add in big band and you get Kanjani 8 doing their best thing. THEY'RE CRAZY. Which is what makes this song so unbelievably fun. It's kind of like orchestrated chaos, so be prepared. Did I mention big band yet? Brass! Drums! Loud music!

Number 14: Tegomasu - Tanabata Matsuuri



You can always count on Tegomasu to sing well, and this single is sort of a good display of that. A more traditional tune ensures that this song stands out from the rest of Jpop this year. The brisk cheerful tune has a kind of childish innocent quality to it, and that makes me smile. You will smile too! If you have a bit of kiddy innocence left in you that is.

Number 13: Nakashima Mika - Game



Yes ignore the creepy cover. As much as I bash her and talk a lot of shit about her, this song is really really well done. Old school rock and roll (I'm just guessing genres here) with her eccentric voice combines for a really strange retro song. And we all know she has the weird attitude to carry it off too.

Number 12: Arashi - Everything



Another typical feel-good Arashi pop tune that's not spectacular, but does the trick. The bridge between Ohno and someone I can't remember (Matsujun?) added a nice bit of variety to an otherwise very very generic song. The bridge was my favorite part of the song to be honest, but well, the other parts of the song are pretty decent too.

Number 11: Koda Kumi - ECSTASY



And what would Jpop be without Kuu's sluttiness. This is not one of her best slutty songs, but it does well enough to reign over many many other Jpop songs this year (a sad indication of how weak Jpop is in 2009). Typical sexy dance tune that's just downright dirty and suggestive and is pheromones in aural form. Go listen and touch yourself inappropriately!

As per last week, I've uploaded all the songs on this list to Mediafire for you guys, let me know what you think in the comments!

Click here to download!

Just in case you can't get enough, here are some songs (according to rank) that NEARLY made the list but got cut in the last selection. These are songs that I think are acceptable upon listening to it, but couldn't really get into it in the end:
  • 31. mihimaru GT - Switch
  • 30. V6 - Spirit
  • 29. Koda Kumi - Joyful
  • 28. Tohoshinki - Survivor
  • 27. Koda Kumi - Driving
  • 26. ikimonogakari - Hotaru no Hikari
  • 25. Koda Kumi - Lick Me
  • 24. Do as Infinity - Umareyuku Monotachi e
  • 23. Yano Kenta starring Satoshi Ohno - Kumori Nochi Kaisei
  • 22. Arashi - Believe
  • 21. BoA feat. VERBAL (m-flo) - Bump Bump

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Q4R #022: WAY TOO OLD ISSUES
Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Yes, this week's Q4R is all about the old issues that I've procrastinated on for too long and thus they've become impossibly irrelevant.

So here they are! (A lot of them! Be very glad!)
  • Have any snarky comments on Namie Amuro's WILD PV?


Sorry to disappoint you woman, but there's no wind in outer space. Unless that is some beach in which I ask "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH A SHINY GOWN ON A BEACH AT NIGHT?!"

Jpop PVs really make no sense a lot of the time.
  • im watching 'we got married', starting on the episode kangin came in at. ANYWAY. can you just explain it to me, what determines the couple's break up? like they just randomly have it one day!? O.O
I have no fucking idea. I gave up when they took out Andy and Solbi because after that the show just went downhill super quickly.



"CHOMP CHOMP I WANT YOUR TEEFS."
  • You HAVE to love Ayu's Next Level right??!! It's AMAZING!!!!
No not really. If you took out all the singles and the rubbish interludes, all that's left behind sounds like a smashed up robot, an emotionless woman in the background and one very amateur producer. The album reeks of digital unprofessionalism to me. It sounds flat on all counts.
  • Did you hear? Someone tried to kill koda kumi! What's your theory to explain this situation? And who do you think would replace ku-chan if she disappeared from the J-pop world.
When I first heard this piece of news, I thought it was really insanely hilarious.

"Must have been one of those crazy menopausal, rotting-uterus women she insulted the year earlier!"

And I subsequently gave it not much thought. Though in retrospect, she probably was asking for it with her lyrics in "Juicy":

Kill me now Ooh tsurete itte Yoru wo koe Akete mo sono mama Kill me tonight Afure dasu atsui BOOSHON

So perhaps it was just an overzealous fan trying to grant her her wish. *shrugs*

And how dare you ask such a question! NO ONE REPLACES KUMI! ...except maybe Hirai Ken? 8D You know he's going to be fierce in those heels. *nods furiously*
  • Come on, you must think Mika Nakashima looks pretty in the PV for Over Load, right? :P


She looks ordinary I guess, which is a step up from freaky, so yeah good job Mika!

Though really, her hair looks like it's going to coil around her neck and kill her in that first picture. Eeks.
  • i cant stand maru's (k8) voice. make him shut up. please.
  • oh, and tell taemin to stop perming his hair. It looks better straight. a lot better. LOL.
  • LOL. and while you're at it, tell key to buy a new wig. His blonde hair looks gross. yuck.
  • ... not that yesungs hair is much better. o.o skunk ?
Er okay. SHINee boys (and Maru), you heard the guy/girl/anonymous person.

OHMAIGOD

Have you seen all the talk going down at jpopmusic RE Roma Tanaka?

http://www.jpopmusic.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=36&t=62991

Start from page 50 or somewhere around there...

-zeeboom

You know what the interesting thing about this issue is?

It's the fact that referrals to my Tanaka Roma is gay post increased exponentially after this incident exploded. And basically my blog became the official gay source of Roma. Marvelous.

Well after reading all the crap hurled at him, I must say that I'm quite amused AND slightly surprised as well. Who knew he liked such kinky stuff? He looks like the typical gay gym bunny who goes home and whines to his boyfriend about how tough life is before having whiny moany sex in the living room.

I guess it's essentially the same except you switch the whining and moaning out for screaming and yelling in pain. *shrugs*

(P.S: The url provided in the comment is basically useless now, with all the incriminating stuff removed. However, if you google hard enough, you'd be able to find something interesting eventually.)
  • who did it better:

    yesung or massu (hair)
Because there wasn't any photo attached, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.

So I did a search and assumed you're talking about these hairstyles:



In which I would say I really don't know. Probably Masuda cos I'm more used to seeing his hair like that. Yesung looks like he has trouble with his eyes with his hair like that.

(Also, the show of skin makes me biased, slurp.)

(Also, I think I'm using the wrong photos. The hairstyles in no way look similar. Hm.)
  • What do you think of Naoya Urata's recent karaoke night with JaeJoong and Micky from Toho??


I think he looks like a wannabe. Like "YAY LOOK AT ME I'M WITH THESE HOT YOUNG DUDES ARE YOU JEALOUS YET HAHAHAHA."

He looks old to begin with (not that old isn't sexy, because in many instances it is, though this probably isn't one of them), and going out with younger guys is really not helping his situation. And his arms look really... untrained.

I mean, he looks like a homeless hobo next to Jaejoong. Hm.
  • What's your thoughts on the whole Jay Bum thing?
  • Two words: Jay Park.
    What do you think about the whole damned affair? D:<
  • These are really random questions, but I've really enjoyed reading your opinions on celebrities and the sort. Anyway, have you heard of the recent controversy regarding 2PM's Jaebeom and his myspace comments? If so, what do you think of the current situation ? How do you think it will impact the fan culture in Korea (if at all)?
  • jays leaving 2pm.
    im at a state of depression.
    thoughts?
Ok so I've probably held off on giving my opinion on this for too long (though this is the "latest" issue of the lot).

I really don't understand Korean netizens. Firstly they give him loads of shit about an issue that is SO SO SO OLD.

Which is fine of course, if that's the way you want to play it. OF COURSE the guy would feel compelled to leave his group right?

So he fulfills their wishes in leaving the group (and heck, even leaving Korea) and then they go ballistic and say "nuuu we want you back".

Make up your fucking mind bitches.

Think about the whole situation from HIS point of view. If you said something horrible about the country you're currently residing in (and are insanely popular in) and the WHOLE COUNTRY knows about what you think of them, wouldn't you want to get away from it all as well?

I mean, how can one live life with weird looks every single day. Everyone's going to know what you once thought of them in the distant past. And even if they don't give it much thought, I think I would be real paranoid and start becoming overly cautious and wary of the people around me. Which is not a way to live at all.

Basically it means that Korea is a place where he would feel terrible in now.

And yet these "fans" want to force him to come back to a place which gives him so much shame and hurt? What the hell is wrong with them? Boycotting the other members of 2PM? Is that what Jaebeom would have wanted?

Seriously, this is why people have a bad impression on fans - because of these impossibly childish and moronic fans who shoot off their mouths and do things without thinking.

You know, you chased him out. He doesn't want to come back. Get over it. Learn your fucking lesson and shut the fuck up next time.

---

FINALLY DONE WITH THIS WEEK'S Q4R! D: It took quite a bit of work to get this out so LEAVE ME TONS OF COMMENTS SAYING HOW MUCH YOU DISAGREE WITH ME OKAYS. xD (You guys always seem to disagree with me when I have a strong opinion. LOL.)

As usual, if you have a question for me (really few questions now! I need more!) drop me a comment using the button below!



Also, please nominate Jpop songs to be in the Raid My Minibar top 30 list this year! Click here!

(And OMG I'M ON TIME THIS WEEK! I thought it was Thursday and I was already late! :O Well I guess all the better for you guys then? xD)

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Want to sleep with Hamasaki Ayumi?
Friday, October 2, 2009

Well I don't but irregardless! Me being the helpful and kind and magnanimous and intelligent and whatever-else-good person that I am, I have compiled a list of 10 things you have to note before getting down and dirty with the queen.

(This post is possibly one of the most overdue PV posts ever, but since a question about this was lying around in my comments box, I decided to do it anyways. So the person who asked "Why no "ayu-bashing" lately? She's been releasing a lot of controversial videos! What I mainly wanted to ask you about was Sparkle. What do you think of the song and the film clip?", this is your answer!)

1. She likes SM.



Be prepared for a lot of rubber suits, masks and all sorts of kinky bondage.

2. She's not as good-looking as you think she is.



Because there are some positions which just makes EVERYONE look stupid. (I call this the 2g1c pose. Kudos if you understood this, you sick sick person. Ahem.)

3. Menses are sort of her fetish.

As evidenced in a previous PV, she loves them menses-themed things.



Lying in a huge pool of menses! WHAT COULD BE SEXIER?!

(And see those heels? They're used to step on you, where it really hurts. Yowza!)

4. She has a tendency to film her sexcapades.

As if filming this PV wasn't evidence enough already.



AYUMI WATCH YOU CUM AGAIN AND AGAIN. SLURP.

5. She loves to fuck you in the face.



What did you think those tubes were really for?

6. For your convenience, she designs her outfits to open up to all the right places!



Yup, the crotch-zip is truly one of the things that Ayumi does to show how thoughtful she really is as a partner. Just make sure you don't zip her bits up after you're done with her. Ouch.

7. She loves mind control.



So she can ask you to do what she wants, exactly the way she likes it. Mmm, after all, her requests can get quite rough. You know what I mean? *winks*

8. She loves to be on top.



No negotiation there, sorry. She doesn't like to see your face (hence the masks, get it?).

9. Eggplants are sexy as hell.



Uh huh, they are. *nods*

10. She's kinda crazy sometimes.



But I guess you already know that. If you still want to do her at this point, BE IN FOR A LOT OF KINKY STUFF YOU DIRTY PERVERTED... um, um... RUBBERSUIT-LOVING... uhhh PERVERT!

(Oh and happy birthday Ayumi!)

(I totally did not plan for this post to be on her birthday, it was all meant to be. Ah.)

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Q4R #018: Strange selection of questions... Hmm...
Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I'm trying to get my blogging life back in order but I'm guessing it's going to be a while before that will happen. My internship ends in 2 months though, so by then everything will be normal. Hopefully.
  • What are some of your favorite single/album covers? (And do you answer every question people ask you?)
Well, my favorite single cover is probably this:



Hirai Ken - Bye My Melody

Firstly, the colors are not glaring and scary, so that's a good start. Then the whole double meaning of the cover is epic. One represents him being a dove with an olive branch bringing news of peace flying over a rainbow (read the bible if you don't know what I'm talking about, you sinner!) and the other represents him... well, being very gay.

What's not to love?

And this is probably my favorite album cover:



Yonekura Toshinori - sang my thang

Once again, what's not to love? A sexy guy with ripped clothes and paint? THINK OF THE AWESOME FANTASIES!

And just so you're wondering, yes I aim to answer every question asked. I'm trying to clear some of the older ones which is so hard considering the context is totally gone (due to time sensitivity and all that about some of the questions asked) so I'm just stuck here blindly grabbing anything I can answer.

I know that didn't make sense but you guys should really get used to it by now.
  • Since Alex from ONE OK ROCK was arrested for groping, would you let him grope you? Please do consider the fact that he is gorgeous.


CAN I GROPE HIM INSTEAD PLEASE?

That person who called the cops on him must have been just really sexually frustrated, and got even more so when he just wanted to grope her and not do anything else.

I can just imagine her grabbing his hair and screaming in a monstrous hoarse voice: "WHY. WON'T. YOU. FUCK. ME?!"
  • I saw this, "I am Raid, your next president." and it made me wonder, what would you do as president?
Depends on which country. If I were the president of Japan, I'd seize all the entertainment companies and then I'll HAVE POWER OVER ALL OF JPOP MUAHAHA.

Then I'd fire KAT-TUN and retire Hamasaki Ayumi and get Nakashima Mika's mental health checked.

(And have loads of sexytime with Kenken and Urapapa and Shuuchan and ARGH THE POSSIBILITIES.)

You just made me very sexually frustrated with this question. TSK.
  • Thoughts on the mysterious expansion of EXILE?


Mass orgies ftw.

(The other guys are fugly, but I guess in orgies all that matters is that there are more hands and happystuff to go around. And more sounds of course.)
  • Based on your Twittery article, what do you think would happen if Koda Kumi, Ken-ken and Ayumi got into a threesome? 8D
Kenken would demand a round bed with fluffy pillows. Kumi would want loads of leather which frustrates Kenken because it doesn't match the fluffy pillows. Ayumi just sits at the corner worrying about her fake eyelashes and breaking her nails.
  • Happy --th Birthday!!
Thanks! I'm 176 this year. I know, I'm so young right? Sigh. They won't let me die till I'm 977! D:
  • How do you know Leandro Okabe?


He used to be my husband. How else do you think I got these pictures of him? Through a porn site? Ha ha ha ha ha. *cough*
  • LOL

I'm running.

But seriously, what the hell? This is such a poorly photoshopped picture (look at her very deformed left thigh, not to mention the MS-paint-esque words) and it's really not sexy at all so I don't get it at all.
  • Uy?

And yet another picture I have no idea what to say for. I mean, ok, there a guy showering and a cross but like so what? Do you guys expect me to say something funny about this when it's so... dull? I'm not THAT amazing you know?
  • Kay, so another question.
    If you were to choose 4 famous Asian guys to be part of an electric quartet, who would you choose?
    (assuming that when it comes to technical skills, they're all pretty equal)
And I'm going to be very blunt and tell you that I don't care, and probably none of the other readers care.

Electric quartet? Why can't I form a porno company instead?

As usual, questions for the upcoming weeks are very welcome. But guys, please help me out here? I know you guys like me better when I'm funny, but I can't be funny when I get really dull questions that don't allow me to be funny. I just used funny 3 times in that sentence, my English capabilities are declining sharply.

Anyways, click on the button to ask me a question! :D

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Twitter Dum Twitter Dee
Sunday, May 10, 2009

I'm sure at least SOME of my readers know what Twitter is. It's not exactly a new thing, though I must say it has only caught on in recent months.

For the less informed, Twitter is what they call a microblogging website, where you can only post about 140 characters at a time. 140 characters looks about this long:

"I really hope that I would have money to buy the new Hirai Ken album. From the way things are looking, it's pretty much fat hope. OHNOES. D:"

That's how short it is. It works pretty much like your regular Facebook status updates, except without all the chaos of Facebook (and evil Facebook layouts).

And on Twitter, you "follow" people (yes, stalkerish people can jizz in their pants now) and their updates will appear on your homepage. Similarly, when people follow you, your updates will appear on their homepage.

There's also an "@" function (along with a "#" function which I don't really use and understand) which is to direct your message at someone. For example, if I wanted to say something specifically to Kimitsu (and yet let the whole world read it, isn't that fun and blatantly shameless?), it would look something like this:

"@kimitsu You're such a bitch. But I love you. Well, not really."

Something like that.

Anyways, for those of you who has not joined Twitter yet, you really should. It's insanely fun once you've gotten the hang of it. And after you've joined, you can follow me! My updates are generally really random. And talk about my personal life. And sometimes my way-too-personal life.

Moving on! This is what this post is all about! Twitter! Ever wondered what Jpop stars would say on their Twitter? Well, worry not for I have found loads of Jpop stars accounts in Twitter! :D

Well okay, only Ayumi, Kumi and Kenken's. But still! Better than nothing right! Here are their tweets!

queenayumi I think I look really pretty in my new album! No one has bigger eyes than I do! I bet everyone is jealous of my huge eyes. 8D


kuuchan @queenayumi Giant squids have eyes the size of soccer balls. You don't see anyone being jealous of them now do you?


kuuchan I need some hot sex in my life. All my male backup dancers are gay. Why is everyone gay, WHY?!!


kenken @kuuchan I'm not gay!



kuuchan @kenken HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.



queenayumi @kuuchan I'll ask Max Matsuura-san to suspend you like he did that other time!



kuuchan I really hate people who bring up old issues when they have nothing to shoot back at you. I mean, seriously, let's just move on with our lives.


kenken @kuuchan OMG I TOTALLY GET WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. I mean it's like, sometimes, these people like, you know, are so... what's that word... irritating! Yes! Irritating!


queenayumi @kenken Being gay is wrong. A man should only make love with a woman. And the occasional blow up doll. Teehee!


kenken @queenayumi Who the hell are you.



queenayumi @kenken Don't you know me? I am the queen of Jpop!



kuuchan @queenayumi Don't you know him? HE is the queen of Jpop!



kenken Why can't all women be like men? Strong, caring, solid, hard, rugged...



kuuchan @kenken Bring you and your gayness to Sesame Street my dear. I'm a horny bitch and I don't need more competition right now.


queenayumi Sigh, I've been in Jpop for 10 years and what has it all amounted to?



kenken @queenayumi Once again, who the hell are you.



kuuchan Going out for some hot fuck with some fanboy who thinks I'm just a girl who really looks like me. Ironic and freaky, but I'm a desperate woman.


kenken @kuuchan I wish I could go out for a hot fuck too.



kuuchan @kenken With me? Or the fanboy?



queenayumi @kuuchan EEEEW I would never have sex with a random fan! Who knows where their parts have been!


kuuchan @queenayumi You will never have sex. Period. Just because you've seen his thing doesn't mean you've had sex.


queenayumi @kuuchan What else are you supposed to do with it then! Eat it? EEEEWW HAHAHA.


kenken @queenayumi Well THERE's a thought.



kuuchan @kenken GO. AWAY. NOW. I don't want your gay aura to jump onto me then onto my fanboy later! I NEED ROUGH RAW SEX.


kenken @kuuchan Don't shave. Then it'll be rough. And definitely raw.



kuuchan @kenken ... I'm not having this conversation with you. To everyone else: OFF I GO! With no underwear! YEEEAH.


queenayumi I am very confused now. How can a woman eat a man's life force? Won't she get pregnant like that?


kenken Anyone wants to have hot sex with me tonight?



queenayumi @kenken If you promise to show me how a woman eats a man's life force, then yes, me!


kenken @queenayumi And once again, who the hell are you.



raidmyminibar Happy mother's day everyone!

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