THIS IS THE QUESTION OF THE CENTURY! MUAHAHA.
And me, being me, has the answer! Ever wondered how much extra help a Jpop star needs just to change one lightbulb? Well, I'm going to tell you now.
One. She needs a guy to try to rape her while she twists the lightbulb into the socket as sexily as possible. Lots of tongue needed.
Two. One to carry her because she's so darn short (and those deadly high heels she wears are just not suited for climbing ladders), the other to shout at her extra hard what you want her to do with the lightbulb, because you know, she's kind of deaf in one ear.
Depending on the situation - eight or none.
She needs eight people to go "wow! so awesome!" while she memorizes how to screw in twenty different lightbulbs in twenty minutes. Otherwise, she just needs a puppet to talk to her while she's at it. Preferably a butt-ugly one that resembles a mutated sushi roll.
None. But they have this uncontrollable urge to screw up again and again and again because they like trying to throw the lightbulb into the socket, just to show that they can.
One. He needs either Misako or Hidaka to smack the shit out of him so that he'll change the lightbulb like a good boy. Lots of pouting involved.
Five. He needs the rest of NEWS to grope and touch him all over while they hold him and spin him round and round to get the lightbulb in.
More than a thousand, all of which are silly teenage fangirls (and some boys) who have multiple orgasms watching him do something so mundane.
None. But she needs sunglasses to shield her eyes. She'll go blind if she has her eyes THAT wide open while being so close to a light source.
None. But he refuses to change the lightbulb unless it's those colorful stringy ones, because he's
a special guy.
None. She doesn't change the lightbulb. She lives in the dark. She's creepy.
(Post-note: Thanks everyone for being so patient with waiting for a new post! Life's been a roller coaster and sometimes, you just want to sleep and forget about it all. Hopefully everything will be fine now.)
(Post-post-note: ARGH! CHOOSING THE TOP 30 SONGS OF 2008 IS A BIG PAIN IN THE ARSE!)
Things I dislike about Jpop
Thursday, October 9, 2008
[
Raid's note: I've initially started this post claiming to have "blogger's block", so the first few paragraphs might not make much sense.]
It happens once every few months, where there are no PVs to blog about, there's nothing happening in the Jpop world and basically life as a Jpop fan is boring. It could also be thorough burnout from revamping my
Urata Naoya fansite with TONS of pictures and such (I'm still not done! D:). Do go check it out even if you're not a fan and give me comments on how I can improve it!
Also, I just told Ottidax that I might be trying to write an 80000 word story (or book actually) and truth be told, I'm very sure I'll give up halfway. Currently my plot seems really shoddy (since I want to write something REALLY epic) and I'm thinking of conflicts and timelines and characters and such. D: It's tedious to say the least, so that's why my brain is not working properly.
AND! A random rant that some of you might have already heard but I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!
Well ok, I can, BUT STILL.
See, I wanted to order the limited edition of Hey! Say! JUMP's latest single "Mayonaka no Shadow Boy" at HMV, but it seemed kind of stupid to just order ONE single and pay so much for shipping. So I decided to wait.
And finally, a few days ago, Kanjani 8's single "Musekinin Hero" was put up for preorder! Glee!
Then the Hey! Say! JUMP single had to be sold out. BLOODY HELL. So now, I've been stalking the HMV website for the past few days in hopes that the single will be restocked soon. If anyone realizes it is in stock (try putting the item in your cart, it'll tell you it's sold out), PLEASE LET ME KNOW!
[Edit: Right after I posted up this post, THE SINGLE BECAME AVAILABLE! So everything's solved and happy now. Some Jpop tycoon out there MUST be stalking my blog. *shivers*]Ah ok. Back to the actual blog post. That was one long ramble for someone who has blogger's block. I'm just longwinded I guess.
I was watching something (I don't remember what, although I think it might be 90210) when I realized I really dislike a lot of things as a person. Be it Jpop-related or not, I'm just really opinionated about everything, which is a bad thing for me as a person I'm guessing. But opinionated people make for interesting-er posts, so here's a very random list of things I don't like about Jpop.
1. I dislike Hamasaki Ayumi (most of the time).Any regular reader of my blog knows I don't really favor the queen of Jpop. She is snobby, over-commercialized and to be honest, not that amazing anymore. Her performances are impossibly "fake", in the sense that it seems all so planned out. She's a total diva even though she's not all that "best-selling" anymore. There are times where I find her amazing (a-nation '08 for example) but most of the time, she makes me roll my eyes.
2. I dislike artistes with no personality.The list includes artistes like Namie Amuro (dead but sexy fish), Aragaki Yui (oh so fragile virgin) and Kobukuro (yawn). Kimitsu once mentioned that these artistes downplay their personality to make it "all about the music". But seriously though, why can't an artiste have both? And even so, some of these artistes aren't even amazing in terms of music. Get a personality please, Japanese TV doesn't need to be more boring than it already is.
3. I dislike Tamori's hosting style.He is awkward, causes a lot of "dead air" (silence on air) and sounds drunk and incoherant half the time ("Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........ Is thaaaaaat sooooooo."). Someone get the man off TV please, he's obviously starting to grow senile.
4. I dislike virginal idol figures.I hate it when magazines or TV shows ask JE boys or H!P girls "How was your first kiss like?" or "When was your first love?". Worst still, these artistes usually reply LAME things like "My first
kiss was with my mother" or "I first went out with a boy when I was 6". I really don't need to know how that cute boy in the next class shared his lunchbox with you or how you brought this girl to this rooftop to peck her on her lips before going home shyly. What do you take me for anyways? An idiot? Do you seriously expect me to believe that these idols are as "pure" and "innocent" as they make themselves to be?
Let's face it, they've all probably already fucked like bunnies (except maybe C-ute and Hey! Say! JUMP..... which would be really gross in the pedo way). Stop asking about their kisses and dates. Ask something more adult like "where is your most sensitive body part" or something. The audience won't explode at the mere mention of sex or anything close to it for that matter! Japan can definitely take MUCH MUCH more. So can the rest of the world.
5. I dislike media politics.More specifically, how the Japanese public SHUTS OUT, FLAMES and BOYCOTTS the stars for their "inappropriate behavior" or "insensitive comments" or something. So what if some female idol wants to smoke? So what if some JE guy says your dick will rot off if you don't wank daily? Does it call for such severe treatment of the stars? Just how childish and uptight are you?
It's no wonder so many Jpop stars are so personality-less. They're scared shitless about the consequences.
6. I dislike Nakashima Mika.She scares me.
Mika watching yooooooouuuu.
7. I dislike the JE monopolization of Music Station.Just because of Johnny's Entertainment, Music Station has shut out ALMOST ALL boybands/idol groups (Tohoshinki, w-inds., LEAD, AAA), depriving these said idol groups of one major avenue for promotion. How insecure are you JE? Will letting these groups go on the show RUIN your company? Don't be a fucking coward, compete fairly.
8. I dislike fans who can't take criticism of their favorite stars.Many many people have gotten SO angry at me for saying something bad about their favorite stars. What does it matter to you? Will you get anything out of defending them? Will not defending them cause them to die or something? No. So get over yourself and your silly act and take my comments with a pinch of salt. Disagree with me? Fine, but I don't really need to know about it. Sure, it's ok to say 'I disagree with what you said', but for those who go all 'OMG YOU INSULTED KATTUN DEY R MAI LIFE' and then write a whole article scrutinizing my every word, go away please. Your stupidity might be contagious for us all.
You don't see me going all berserk at people who hate Koda Kumi. Or Hirai Ken. Or AAA. So what if you hate them, it doesn't concern me. So what if I hate a certain star? It definitely doesn't concern you. Stop being so posessive of your idols, you don't own them.
9. I dislike OS (overseas) versions and their buyers.I think they are cheap, of lower quality and an eyesore. I especially dislike people who buys TONS of these "cheaper" OS versions of albums and singles and show them off in forums and such. Urgh. You know why you can buy so many of these albums and singles? It's not because you're rich, it's because they're cheap. Keep your collection to yourself please kthxbai.
But, as much as I dislike these OS-buyers, there's another group of people I dislike even more...
10. I dislike fans who claim to be a certain artiste's "NUMBER ONE FAN!!1!!!" and then NOT BUY ANYTHING from said artiste.This is probably one of the things I feel most strongly about, and I have debated it in the A'dAA forums before. So I'm just going to copy and edit it here.
You're not paying anything, so theoretically, you're not exactly supporting the artiste.
"Oh, but I'm too poor to buy their stuff."
After shipping, the worst case scenario for ONE SINGLE is say 25 USD? Are you SOOOOO poor that you can't afford 25 USD every now and then? If you have INTERNET, I believe you'll have the money for a single. Stop making excuses.
"Oh, but my parents don't allow me to use their card/my card for online purchases BLABLABLA."
Well see, I think you're just not trying hard enough. But let's just assume you really CAN'T use the card to buy it. Are there really no other methods for you to buy the single? A local shop? From another fan? It really sounds to me that you're just making excuses.
A fan came along and remarked:
I think it's rather naive to believe that buying CDs really help the artist. It's concerts and the merchandise at the concerts that artists survive on. A very VERY tiny bit of the money from CDs + DVDs go to the artists.
To which I replied:
And so should we not buy the singles anymore?
And if you think the royalties from CDs are little, what makes you think goods will be much better?
And if so, how many of us actually buy concert goods? I myself had only the privilege of getting 3 or 4 concert items. I don't see many other forumers with many concert goods either. So if you can't support by buying goods (as you assume, gives the artists most of their extra pay), why can't you support by buying singles or albums? Just because it gives them a VERY TINY PORTION seems to be a very flimsy excuse for not buying.
Artistes in companies get salaries based on their single sales. If their sales are good, their salaries rise. It makes sense. Their royalties cut increases too. That would make sense too. Anything else anyone else says just sounds like people being defensive of their own selfish behavior.
It's definitely an interesting topic to debate on, but I take a very personal stand on this. I think if you don't support the artistes monetarily, you're not really a "good" fan. Let me know how you feel in my comments and if the points raised are interesting, I'll reply them in the next post.
[
Raid's note AGAIN: Initially this post was supposed to include OTHER things I disliked that wasn't related to Jpop, but somehow I just got carried away ranting about JUST Jpop, so another time I guess!]
[Raid's note once more: Seeing as how awesome the first comment was (thanks Mars once again!), I've decided to reply to every single subsequent comment in the comments box itself to have better discussion on the things I've listed in this post. Do give me your comments, good or bad! I'll promise to publish them as long as you're not an anonymous basher (of which I also dislike. D: )]Labels: Amuro Namie, Hamasaki Ayumi, Kanjani 8, Koda Kumi, Nakashima Mika, Tamori
Subscribe to me. Follow me. You know you love me.
5 comments! Post a comment! I do this for free you know?
OHMAIGOD
Ok so I've probably held off on giving my opinion on this for too long (though this is the "latest" issue of the lot).
1. I dislike Hamasaki Ayumi (most of the time).
2. I dislike artistes with no personality.
3. I dislike Tamori's hosting style.
kiss was with my mother" or "I first went out with a boy when I was 6". I really don't need to know how that cute boy in the next class shared his lunchbox with you or how you brought this girl to this rooftop to peck her on her lips before going home shyly. What do you take me for anyways? An idiot? Do you seriously expect me to believe that these idols are as "pure" and "innocent" as they make themselves to be?
5. I dislike media politics.
7. I dislike the JE monopolization of Music Station.
9. I dislike OS (overseas) versions and their buyers.