Over the years, Avex has had its fair share of unbelievable scandals, so it got me thinking...

What if they were all set up? I mean, how many scandals can one company get? It's either bad luck, bad screening of talent or bad karma (YES BAD KARMA, MONEYSUCKERS).

So here I am today trying to make some sense of what really happened. Of course this is just speculation, but who really knows?

[AAA's Rock Incident]

What you were TOLD: After attending the Otakon Anime Convention 2007 held in Baltimore Maryland, AAA decided to go spray their initials on a rock. This resulted in a sort of major scandal, that have affected the group as a whole.

What I think REALLY happened:

Urata: *thinks to himself* Damn, I can't believe I'm in the USA and yet I have to work all day. Like where are we? Some high rock? Why do I care about rocks?
Chiaki: *spray painting stars nearby with some cute innocent kid*
Urata: Hmmmm. *smiles evilly*

-few days later-

Nissy: WHY THE HELL DID YOU ASK CHIAKI TO DO THAT! NOW WE HAVE TO CLEAN THIS MESS UP! *scrubs rocks hard*
Urata: Hoho. But think! After we clean this up, we get to go shopping. For weeks!
Nissy: Shopping? YAY!

Hey, an old man's gotta shop you know? xD

[Yunho (THSK/DBSK) X Super Glue]

What you were TOLD:


What I think REALLY happened:

Avex: How can we let you have the holiday you've always wanted and yet still gain more fans... Hmmm....
Yunho: I don't know. Get me into a tragic car accident or something?
Avex: No, that won't do. The previous time we did that, we had to hire a special effects make up artist that cost us way too much money... Hmmm. Oh I know! Cyanoacrylate!
Yunho: Sigh a no cry late? What the hell are you talking about?
Avex: Basically it's super glue. No one has drunk super glue before so no one would know what really happens to someone when they do. We'll guard your hospital room with loads of guards so no one can go in and find it empty. There! You have your holiday!

You've got to admit, it's a smart idea.

[Hamasaki Ayumi X Deafness]

What you were TOLD:


What I think REALLY happened:

Ayumi: ARGH MY SINGING IS DEPROVING.
Avex: ARGH YOUR SINGING IS DEPROVING.
Ayumi: OHNOES WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
Avex: OHNOES WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!
Ayumi: ARGH I THINK I'M GOING DEAF!
Avex: ARGH WE THINK YOU'RE GOING DE... Hmmm.

And thus people will stop judging her bad singing and admire her strength to move on.

[Koda Kumi X Amniotic fluid]

What you were TOLD:


What I think REALLY happened:

Avex: We need a good scandal to get you more news coverage!
Kuu: *chomps on food* But what can I do?
Avex: Well, we need to figure out a target group to insult such that it is large-scale enough, yet won't affect your sales...
Kuu: *in between chomps* Old pervs?
Avex: No we can't do that. Old pervs buy your albums to stare at your ass.
Kuu: Then I have no idea. *continues chomping*
Avex: I KNOW! OLD AND PREGNANT WOMEN!
Kuu: ...?
Avex: Old women don't listen to your music, and pregnant women can't stand your noisy music, so we're safe to insult them because they won't buy your stuff anyways!

And thus the scandal. It makes sense too, since every time they mention the scandal, they would mention that her promotion FOR HER LATEST ALBUM KINGDOM HAS BEEN STOPPED. Curious people will go find out what exactly is this "Kingdom" about, and thus free publicity.

So now you're in the know. Be glad.

Labels: AAA, Hamasaki Ayumi, Koda Kumi, Tohoshinki