THIS IS THE QUESTION OF THE CENTURY! MUAHAHA.

And me, being me, has the answer! Ever wondered how much extra help a Jpop star needs just to change one lightbulb? Well, I'm going to tell you now.

How many people does Koda Kumi need to help her change a lightbulb?


One. She needs a guy to try to rape her while she twists the lightbulb into the socket as sexily as possible. Lots of tongue needed.

How many people does Hamasaki Ayumi need to help her change a lightbulb?


Two. One to carry her because she's so darn short (and those deadly high heels she wears are just not suited for climbing ladders), the other to shout at her extra hard what you want her to do with the lightbulb, because you know, she's kind of deaf in one ear.

How many people does Mitsui Aika need to help her change a lightbulb?


Depending on the situation - eight or none.

She needs eight people to go "wow! so awesome!" while she memorizes how to screw in twenty different lightbulbs in twenty minutes. Otherwise, she just needs a puppet to talk to her while she's at it. Preferably a butt-ugly one that resembles a mutated sushi roll.

How many people does Niigaki Risa and Kamei Eri need to help them change a lightbulb?


None. But they have this uncontrollable urge to screw up again and again and again because they like trying to throw the lightbulb into the socket, just to show that they can.

How many people does Nishijima Takahiro need to help him change a lightbulb?


One. He needs either Misako or Hidaka to smack the shit out of him so that he'll change the lightbulb like a good boy. Lots of pouting involved.

How many people does Tegoshi Yuya need to help him change a lightbulb?


Five. He needs the rest of NEWS to grope and touch him all over while they hold him and spin him round and round to get the lightbulb in.

How many people does Akanishi Jin need to help him change a lightbulb?


More than a thousand, all of which are silly teenage fangirls (and some boys) who have multiple orgasms watching him do something so mundane.

How many people does Kusumi Koharu need to help her change a lightbulb?


None. But she needs sunglasses to shield her eyes. She'll go blind if she has her eyes THAT wide open while being so close to a light source.

How many people does Hirai Ken need to help him change a lightbulb?


None. But he refuses to change the lightbulb unless it's those colorful stringy ones, because he's gay that way a special guy.

How many people does Nakashima Mika need to help her change a lightbulb?


None. She doesn't change the lightbulb. She lives in the dark. She's creepy.

Can you think of any more? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

(Post-note: Thanks everyone for being so patient with waiting for a new post! Life's been a roller coaster and sometimes, you just want to sleep and forget about it all. Hopefully everything will be fine now.)

(Post-post-note: ARGH! CHOOSING THE TOP 30 SONGS OF 2008 IS A BIG PAIN IN THE ARSE!)

Labels: AAA, Hamasaki Ayumi, Hirai Ken, KAT-TUN, Koda Kumi, Morning Musume, Nakashima Mika, NEWS